1. Relationship Communication Patterns
OBJECTIVE:
In this lecture Bizzie deep dives on Emotional Addiction Cycle [ Emotional Timeline ] ACB's. The ACBs break down our Emotional Addiction Cycles and Source Belief Pattern into more detailed parts so that we can further understand these cycles and how our cycles interact with others to form symbiotic dysfunction. We discover that the red cones that we feed ourselves to activate our Emotional Addiction Cycle each follow the ACBs [ Assumption, Conclusion, Behavior ]. Assumption is the snapshot judgement we make about our environment that isn’t rational and based on the past. As soon as our brain makes that snapshot judgment [ Assumption ], it then tries to problem solve and comes up with a rule which is our Conclusion which is faulty and illogical. The Conclusion is a very direct rule that goes hand in hand with our Source Belief Pattern and Emotional Addiction Cycle and can be directly ELIed. Then our brain gives us options of behavior choices that align with the Conclusion it came up with. Once the Conclusion is formulated, it is like our brain puts on blinders and hides any behavioral choices that are outside the scope of the Conclusion. Our goal is to poke holes in the Assumption and Conclusion so that we can change the behavior and have many more possibilities available in how to choose to respond. It is important to note that each stage of the Emotional Addiction Cycle has its own ACBs. As we go through these, your brain wants to bulk it all together and often only pays attention to the F*** It Emotion and ACBs but it is important to be able to break them down granularly so that we can pinpoint the origin emotion ACBs so that we stop the whole cycle from running. Bizzie provides many examples for different ACB patterns to give you a starting position for discovering your ACBs.
TAKEAWAY:
After this lecture you should be able to write out your Emotional Addiction Cycle [ Emotional Timeline ] ACBs. The examples provide a great starting place but be sure to add your own specific details and dial them in for you personally. After this lecture you should understand that the red cone isn't simply a Behavior change; the red cone really starts with the Assumption. The ACBs are how we feed ourselves red cones. But the behavior we select after our Conclusion is the red cone that we give to people around us.
Remember, before BREAK we get triggered [ something outside of our minds or someone’s red cone to us ], then our brain formulates an Assumption and goes to a Conclusion from which we choose a Behavior which is a red cone that triggers the other person to begin their ACBs. This is symbiotic dysfunction and how we get ourselves back to being triggered again. We have opportunities to interrupt this pattern and make a change with an interruption technique.
After BREAK we can interrupt this pattern and make a change at different points throughout this cycle. Technique #1 is understanding your triggers and how we respond to them out of reflex. If we know something triggers us and we’re going to be around it, we are then ready to ELI. Technique #2 is interrupting the Assumption of the Origin Emotional response with ELI [ poke holes in that faulty Assumption ]. Technique #3 is using ELI to arrive at a logical and productive Conclusion. Technique #4 is selecting a new green cone behavior. This is your last chance to NOT respond with a red cone. When we provide a green cone the person then has a new stimulus to respond to that doesn’t directly activate their ACBs. These techniques are your 4 changes to STOP the symbiotic dysfunction. When we serve a green cone the person has 3 options of how to respond. It’s important for us to have if / then commitments and boundaries to handle how the person chooses to respond to our green cones. Bizzie goes over reminders of how to use ELI properly to stay in logic and not get pulled back into the emotional response as well as general ELI architecture to ensure our logical questions are properly developed
